Secretly frustrated..

It all stems from not being who I could be. I know this, so do my parents, though every attempt at trying to make me be who I should be, both on their part and on mine, seems to come to nothing. I've been thinking a lot about where this boredom with life has come from, and in my case, especially, I think it stems from having spent so much time online.

My generation has been so lucky with the innovation and recent massive expansion of the internet. It has made our lives so much easier and simpler. You now no longer have to trawl though shop after shop to look for the cheapest option, and you never have to look in multiple books to find the information you're after, you can just Google it. Any Psychology Essay you could ever want can be written using information on Yahoo Answers.

I think somehow this is a shame. Everything moves so fast now that people are impatient, and they want everything constantly, everything happens instantly, that you never need wait for anything. You never want for company or have to feel lonely because you'll always always find like-minded people online. Because of this, the generation growing up never needs to train themselves in patience, or in spending time alone with your thoughts. Reading a novel set in ancient Japan recently, I'm amazed to imagine that the protagonist spends several months on his own in the forest, waking up at midnight and meditating on thoughts, training his body and mind at the same time. I secretly wish I had the patience, self awareness and discipline that it all must bring.

Because of this lack of very important traits, I think we, certainly I, miss out on opportunities I would love to have, and love to be able to do. I don't have the discipline now, for instance, at university to make myself work. I don't have the self awareness to know what I really want to do in life. I do have dreams, some from myself, some from God about my future, but have no idea how to achieve them, no idea how to set things in motion. And I frequently just feel frustrated with myself, for not being able to do any of this.

Life would simultaneously be a lot simpler and a lot harder if we didn't have internet. It would be so different, yet so refreshing if people looked to spend time in the simpler things in life like going for a walk in the evening and taking photos, or climbing a hill just to look and the view and think, instead of just drowning boredom in things like YouTube or Facebook.

I wish there were some way to change the teenage years I had so I can iron out the faults I now seem to have, imbedded in my personality. It's an impossible idea to do that of course, but I do hope there's some way of changing myself.

Maybe then I'd be less frustrated.